That’s it right there in numerical order for how to get your grieving done properly. I’m not using this list in any particular order. I just go back and forth between them all. Actually, I’m pretty mad at the world most of the time. I’m still shocked that my Dad died. It’s been six months, but I’m hurting worse now. The shock kept me numb and I was living in a bubble. I’ve never been a cry baby but it doesn’t take much to set me off choking back the sobs. My Mom is so emotionally distraught and I can’t help do much for her. I can listen and just be near her. She grieves in private like I do. Probably not the healthiest way to go about it, but I’m just wired this way. All I want is for everything to feel like it used to. But I’m changing into someone I don’t recognize most of the time. My cousin Angie gave me the best advice when Dad first died. She told me to grieve in my own personal way, and not how someone else did it or tells me how to move on. To just take my time and feel everything you’re supposed to feel when your heart is broken. I miss my Dad really bad today.
“I may not have given you the gift of lift, but life surely gave me the gift of you.”
It took me year’s to realize that my Dad was my real Dad just not my biological father. He’s the reason I believe that not all men are like the ones who leave their little girls and never come back. I was a difficult teenager and even worse in my early 20’s but Dad never gave up on me. After having my sons in my late 20’s I figured out how to be a good daughter.
He was my sons only Grandfather, actually he was referred to as ‘my Pap’ by both of his grandsons. He was completely wrapped around their fingers from the moment of their births until he died. He was an excellent role model for the both of them. They’re both becoming rock solid young men that their Pap would be proud of. We miss you Pap and you’ll always be with us in our hearts and minds with the best of our memories of you.
Today I’m going to to mow the yard like Dad is an angel on my shoulder. He took great pride in his yard. He worked hard at keeping the lawn mowed and looking beautiful with well kept flower beds, shrubs and trees.
My Mom and I have been trying to keep up with all of it. I had a total knee replacement surgery on June 5, 2017. I just got released by my surgeon to use the riding mower. Today I’m going to be a better person than I was yesterday and make my Dad proud of me.
Sometimes I get lost in my grieving and my depression takes over. Then I’m useless for a few days to everyone around me including myself. I spent the weekend behind my closed bedroom door. I feel like I neglected my Mom and brother, but I was a broken mess. I started a new blog and that kept me busy except for all the pictures I came across in my phone. My day is coming to an end and hopefully I’ll be back to my somewhat normal self tomorrow. I got things to do and people are counting on me to get them done.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
I was lucky enough to get to go to Florida in October of 2017 with both of my parents (Betty & Denny), my brother (Dale) and my oldest (Luke) son. We went in their RV and pulled the van behind us on a dolly. My first vacation in 7 years and I had an excellent time with my family. I did things with my Dad, I hadn’t done in over 10 years.
Dad loved to substitute teach after he retired. He loved “his kids” out there.
He made a special point of taking me out for ice cream several times. I guess I scared him when I told him “I’ll drink your beer if I don’t get my ice cream pretty damn quick” because he took us all out to an old fashioned ice cream parlor that evening. It was located in the downtown historical Winter Garden and it was the best chocolate with frozen swirled peanut butter ice cream I’ve ever had. We walked along the cobblestone streets and window shopped. Then took a long ride around a massive lake and walked out onto the boardwalk to look for gators. A perfect day to be outside enjoying the sun and each others company. That trip has given me memories that will always be in my heart and they’ve touched my soul. I’m typing through my tears just wishing I could go with Dad for one more ice cream. I miss you Dad. Don’t forget to take the time to tell your loved ones how much you care about them. Life is over in the blink of an eye.
Pap, Tristan & Nana 2016
To have mutual respect for humanity is a good life for all of us. Living our days by a code of respect, honor, truth and responsibility unto yourself and others. That’s what life is about and how it leaves a legacy behind for all of our loved ones, our family members and friends that became our family. We’ve got to lead by example on what true respectability means or the future generations won’t understand any of these values. We should be humble when giving respect and then being gracious when receiving it. Always respect yourself first and others will be respectful to you. Respect for yourself is a priority for everyone’s. People will follow by example on how to show respect and how it feels to be respected in return. Respect and honor all of your people, whether it’s family or friends. People need to teach values to all children. Respecting your people who share love with you and that are a part of your life is a rewarding way to spend a lifetime. Spend quality time with all of your parents, grandparents and family members and learn from their experiences.
Nana, Luke & Pap 2015
I was lucky enough to get to go to Florida in October of 2016 with both of my parents, my brother and my oldest son. We went in their RV and pulled their van behind us on a car dolly. My first vacation in 7 years. My Dad died in January of 2017 and looking back on that trip so many things happened for a reason. I made memories to last a lifetime. That’s all life really is about just making memories with the people who love you and ones that you love. Life will change drastically in less than 5 minutes. Enjoy every morning you wake up, tomorrow is never promised. I miss you Dad!!